


Ghost's Tears

by einsKai



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Crying, First Kiss, GakuTenn Jesus Kai breaking the bread once again, Ghosts, Grief/Mourning, Hopeful Ending, Love Confessions, M/M, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 19:26:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16816933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/einsKai/pseuds/einsKai
Summary: “There is no doubt. This was TRIGGER’s Yaotome Gaku.”





	Ghost's Tears

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, I felt like writing this, because I looked at sad art.
> 
> Please don't hate me.
> 
> Have fun (?) reading!
> 
> \- Kai

He was sitting in the dark of his room, all alone. There was some noise from the kitchen, where someone was cooking. Maybe it was Ryuu, or his brother. No, it was probably not his brother, because the person actually seemed to know what they were doing.

If he had had any energy left he would’ve laughed at his own joke.

The rain was running down the skylight and distorted the last of the daylight of this cold November day. The wall Tenn was leaning against was cold, but he didn’t really notice. His clothes weren’t exactly the warmest, his naked feet on the wooden floor would make Ryuu fuss and tell him to put on socks, and the shirt that was way too big – and definitely not his, but Tenn would sew his own mouth shut before admitting that he stole it from a certain closet to comfort himself – wasn’t doing a very good job of keeping himself warm.

Tenn crossed his arms in front of his chest. He felt strange. Like his heart had turned into a big stone, far heavier than it looked, and it _hurt_ , but he couldn’t figure out how to stop it, or what was wrong.  
His heart from stone stopped him from feeling anything and he felt as if slowly, very slowly, the stone was creeping further, turning the flesh around the once beating muscle into stone as well.

He wouldn’t make a very good stone statue right now, he thought, curled up against the wall like this, with his knees to his chest, his face dirty from all the tears that didn’t make any sense, they were so selfish, he shouldn’t feel that way, but they still _came and came and wouldn’t stop_ , and his hair that he hadn’t taken care of in what, three, four days…

The reason that Tenn was in this state right now was ever-present on his mind, and still far away, unreal, as if he couldn’t believe it. But all the headlines in the magazines and the topics in the talk shows and in their friend circle proved that it was very real and very important.

A few days ago Gaku had died.

It had been an accident, nothing that anyone involved could have prevented, not Gaku himself, who had been crossing the street, not any of the other people around him, not the driver, who had run out of his medicine that morning and as a result had gotten a heart attack while driving to get more.

The news had reached Tenn and Ryuu when they had just ordered food in the restaurant they had chosen for the evening. Gaku had been on an assignment close by, and had been planning to walk to the restaurant by foot. It would be a waste to take his car for a few hundred metres, he had said, and Tenn and Ryuu had agreed, but asked him to drive them home later. Gaku had laughed and agreed, before ending the phone call. That had been the last time Tenn had heard of Gaku.  
After that they had received a call from their manager. They had been out of it, barely keeping the sobbing down, as they told them about the accident.

Tenn and Ryuu were too shocked to say anything, excusing themselves from the restaurant and rushing to the address that Anesagi had told them to come to.

Ryuu hadn’t been able to take the sight of the body they had to identify, just to be sure, because Anesagi was a crying mess and could barely stand, and the police wanted to be absolutely sure, so they could contact the deceased person’s family.

While Ryuu had taken their manager out of the room to calm them down, and calm down himself, Tenn had looked at the man on the table. In death he looked less strong than in life. As if his ego was the only thing that had kept his body inflated like that, held proud and with a presence that was so unique and unmistakeably _Gaku_ , that it felt weird to admit that the cold stranger on the cold metal in the cold room wasn’t a stranger at all.

But Tenn had taken it in, had seen the clothes, the hair, the necklace and the face that looked like it was formed from wax, without life and without _Gaku_ in it, but this was him, this was his groupmate and the person that he had…

Tenn had nodded and pressed a “There is no doubt. This was TRIGGER’s Yaotome Gaku”, and then left the room as well. He hadn’t spoken since.

The funeral would be in two days, and Tenn didn’t know if he could actually get up and go. He would have to, of course, it was only respectful to do it, and he had thought that he was prepared for it, but when it actually came to _going to the funeral of your groupmate, friend and love_ it was more difficult than he had suspected.

“Tenn?”, a voice made him jump. He hadn’t noticed the door opening, was this Ryuu who had finished dinner and was calling him, to try and get him to eat at least something? Kind, kind Ryuu, who was doing his best to ease Tenn’s suffering, when he had his own going on.

But the noise from the kitchen had stopped and it was quiet safe for the rain now.

“Tenn”, the voice said again, and Tenn blinked, once, twice, until he realised whose voice exactly that was. The voice that he had last heard distorted through a phone, the voice that he really hadn’t expected to ever hear again, because he certainly would never pick up one of TRIGGER’s records and listen to them, to spare himself from the pain.

“Gaku?”, Tenn asked, his unused voice raspy and sick. The words wretched themselves out of his throat like a dying man walked through a desert. The desert and his throat probably had a similar level of humidity, “So I’ve gone mad now? Wonderful. Ryuu and manager will be delighted.”

“You haven’t gone mad”, the voice, Gaku, said. A figure revealed itself in the dimness of his room. He was wearing the same clothes that he was wearing on the day of his accident, but there was no blood on them, and his face wasn’t made from wax anymore. His eyes shone and were very alive, but none of his steps made any sound, even though he was wearing those heavy shoes that Tenn used to complain about. “I’m really here.”

Tenn stared. And stared.

He couldn’t say anything again. His throat had constricted. He noticed that the rhythm of the raindrops seemed to repeat.

“Tenn, I don’t know why I’m not gone yet, and why I can still be here, but since I got this opportunity let me tell you some things, okay?

Still unable to speak, Tenn nodded weakly.

The ghost – at least Tenn supposed that that was the correct term for whatever Gaku was – crouched down in front of him. They were almost on eye level now, and Tenn would’ve killed to feel Gaku’s breath ghosting over his skin when his face came closer, but there was nothing there. Not a single trace of life was left of Gaku, and Tenn hated it.

“Tenn, I – ah shit”, Gaku stopped and clenched his fist on the floor next to him, “I really don’t know how to say it.”

He seemed to think about it a little, and Tenn let him, because what else was he supposed to do. This was probably his very last chance to ever talk to Gaku again. He should let him speak.

“First of all, I’m really sorry for this. I should’ve been more careful”, Gaku began. “But I guess there was no helping it. It would’ve been like this anyways. Fate and all that, right?”

Tenn swallowed. He didn’t believe in fate, but if Gaku did then he wouldn’t interrupt the man’s last few words.

“Seriously though, seeing you like this is really unsettling. Wouldn’t have thought that me leaving would leave you in shambles like this. But Tenn, it’s okay to mourn, I’m not telling you to stop or anything. Just… please get better, okay?”

No answer to that. Tenn couldn’t promise anything if he didn’t even know where to start. His hand fisted in the fabric of his shirt. Gaku’s shirt.

Gaku noticed his motion and smiled. He reached up to ruffle Tenn’s hair. The ghost touch was conflicting. It was there, but at the same time it wasn’t, and it was comforting and saddening and made Tenn want to laugh and cry at the same time.

“That isn’t really why I came here though”, Gaku said and let his touch linger. “I came here, because I can’t move on without telling you the one thing I was never honest about. Well, we didn’t really talk about it directly, so I didn’t lie or anything. But I also never told you.”

If Gaku had had to breathe he would have taken a breath now, bracing himself against the words that he would now say. His hand wandered down from Tenn’s head and cupped his cheek, catching a tear before it could roll down with his thumb.

“I really admired you back when I got to know you, you know?”, Gaku started, “You were amazing in everything you did and only got better day after day. Your personality was something that annoyed me at first, but I grew to admire it as well, that hard shell that you had crafted to protect yourself. It seemed like an impenetrable wall for a long time, but when Ryuu and I finally got through to you, I felt happier than ever before. And before I knew it, when TRIGGER had finally become _TRIGGER_ , the TRIGGER that we all know and love, I had fallen for you. I am – or was, if I think about it – in love with you. I love you, Tenn.”

Tenn felt the stone in his chest jump. He couldn’t believe it. Gaku, the one that he had secretly loved for longer than he would have liked to admit, told him that he was in love with him too. He would’ve had a chance if Gaku was still alive. They could have been together. They could’ve been happy.

The ghostly touch on his cheek vanished and reappeared on his lips. With just two fingers Gaku pressed a chaste, fleeting kiss to Tenn’s lips. A parting kiss. The first and the last.

When he let go, the expression on Gaku’s face was sad.

“I guess I got my closure in this world now. Goodbye Tenn. Get better for me, yeah? I’ll be watching you, I’m sure of it –“

Before he could get up again, Tenn had moved forward and yanked Gaku down at his collar. The other lost his balance, as he had been mid-standing up, and fell to his knees. The thud-sound that would have been normal never came, but instead Tenn could feel the ghost’s kiss, clumsy at first, and in a bad angle, but soon the other awakened from his stupor, and cupped Tenn’s neck, angling their faces together better, and kissing back like he meant it.

The kiss was wet from the tears that ran down Tenn’s cheeks, and when he finally let go, pulled back, and opened his eyes again, he saw that Gaku was no better. He was crying too, tears that weren’t tangible, but still _there_. A ghost’s tears.

“I love you too, idiot”, Tenn said, and his voice sounded a little bit better, “I love you so much that I don’t know what to do, now that you’re dead. I don’t want to be in a world without you. And I feel so selfish for thinking that.”

“It’s okay Tenn, it’s okay to be sad”, Gaku pulled Tenn into a hug. He clutched the fabric of Gaku’s jacket, to hold onto something, “It’s okay to miss me too, yeah? Just… move on. For me. For Ryuu. For Anesagi and for your brother. For TRIGGER. Can you promise me that you’ll do your best?”

“I always do my best”, Tenn mumbled, “I’m the best at doing my best. My best is _the_ best. There is no better best than my best.”

He felt the ghost’s body shake when Gaku laughed.

“Of course. You’re the best Tenn. I love you because you’re the best.” A light kiss was pressed to Tenn’s scalp, and it was already fading, together with the man that had been holding him. Tenn had wanted for this moment to go on forever, but of course it had to be over already.

“I won’t forget you Gaku”, he said, when he was already only holding onto the afterimage of the ghost, who could finally go on to the next world – if there was one, “It’s pretty much impossible to forget your big personality and your obnoxious face.”

Even though there was nobody in the room but him, Tenn could swear that he could hear a chuckle, and something like “that sounds more like you, damn brat”, in the softest tone that he had ever heard from the other.

Tenn smiled and dried his face.

The rain was back to a natural rhythm, and the kitchen was busy again.

He got up from his sitting position on the floor. He noticed how weak his legs felt, and it took him a moment to get out of the room, but when he did the wonderful smell of whatever Ryuu had produced with his kitchen magic greeted him, and he couldn’t hold back a smile.

He walked into the kitchen, and Ryuu startled, because he hadn’t expected to see him if he didn’t go into his room to get him, but he was pleasantly surprised.

“Hey Ryuu”, Tenn said and sat down at the table, “What’s for dinner?”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Leave a comment if you liked it :D
> 
> If you want to scream at me about anything you can do so on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/eins__kai) or [tumblr](https://einskai.tumblr.com/)~
> 
> Have a nice day!
> 
> \- Kai


End file.
